“That's why an Angelina Jolie is always going to win over a Winona Ryder. Fuckups are more interesting.”

“Why can't I be admitted to the ... bosom of the operation?" I leaned toward him but almost started to laugh because "bosom" was such a funny word and my innuendo was more Tina Fey than Angelina Jolie.”

“No matter how hard you worked, there was always going to be somebody out there who thought you were fuckup.”

“It's not interesting stuff that they're making up and writing, and that's why they're going down.”

“After swimming to France, Carlisle went to some universities, where he fell in love with medicine. He believed that by helping sick people, he could make up for some of the horrible things vampires have done. Maybe this is why Angelina Jolie adopts all those kids! It all makes sense. She must be a vampire. She has the sexy good looks, the overly dramatic attitude, and I've never seen her sleep or eat. Case closed.”

“God is always more interested in why we do something than in what we do. Attitudes count more than achievements.”