“It wouldn't hurt you to show a little school spirit," Mom said. As if she were a fan of high school football. Mom can take a simple obvservation, such as saying that it wouldn't hurt for a person to show a little school spirit, and say it in such a way that she might as well be saying, 'It wouldn't hurt you to stop clubbing those baby seals.”

“You know if you would just do as I say I wouldn't have to hurt you.”

“Well, but you can eat Grandma's cookies. They're not bad for you. They were made by Grandma. Grandma wouldn't hurt you.”

“The quarterback? Wow. My mom wouldn't let me stand in the same checkout line as a high school senior. She's so lame.She's not lame.She thinks eighteen year old boys are dangerous. She calls them penises with hands and feet. Tell me that isn't lame.”

“But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way I can take this personally.”

“You're not pathetic," she growled. "You're not worthless. But you are hurt. Maybe even a little confused and probably a lot of deranged, but not pathetic.""Deranged?""Well, you did barge into hell to save a woman who was dumb enough to get caught. . . how many times now? Personally I wouldn't have saved me after the first time. That to me says you're deranged.”