“I didn't say he wasn't a good employer, just that he's not going to be awarded a Sane Person of the Year award.”

“I came," he said.Good Lord! If there were an orator-of-the-year award, he would be in dire danger of winning it.”

“...my little blurb wasn't going to win me any speaker-of-the-year awards, but at least I hadn't tripped and fallen off the stage, crushing and killing three elderly jazz fans.”

“Awards are good but rewards are better.”

“My clones just honored me with the 2012 Man of the Year Award. But I wasn’t fooled—I knew they were really honoring themselves.”

“There’s nothing more important than literary merit, and that’s why I not only created an award—the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award—but I nominated myself as the first recipient. You can’t always wait for success to come to you. Sometimes you just have to create it out of nothingness. Just ask the Federal Reserve.”