“I have sieged many a castle in my day, m'lady, but my attack on your keep will be the sweetest of all."She giggled as I kissed every inch of her face. "Oh, we're doing medieval now? Okay, I can do that. I've been to a Renaissance Faire. Avast ye varlet! No quarter!""That was piratical, dearling, but we'll go with it if you like. Lower your gangplanks and prepare to be boarded!"-Dane and Megan (Stag Party)”

“We have had this discussion before. You are my son. I love you. I will always love you. But I also love Nell, and if you give her the chance and stop rejecting her advances, she will take you into her heart as well.""Oh, yeah, like he's going to allow me to do that," I muttered”

“Are you threatening me?” He looked completely outraged at such a thing.“You bet your incredibly attractive and probably hard enough to bounce a quarter off ass I am!” she snapped back.An indescribable look flitted across his face. “You are the most irreverent woman I’ve ever met.”“And you’re the handsomest man I’ve ever seen in my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to lick you!” she yelled.”

“I ground my teeth. "Just when I thought I was getting a handle on this whole Dark One/demon lord/imp thing, you go and throw knockers into the mix. I'm going to have to request that you stop, Adrian. I'm about at my limit of how many impossible things I can believe before breakfast."He flashed a heart-stoppingly roguish grin at me, his dimples just about bringing me to my knees. "Your middle name wouldn't be Alice, would it?" he asked."No, it's Diane, and you're no White Rabbit, so let's just stop pretending we're in Wonderland, OK?"He laughed and pointed across the tiny square at our destination. I watched him for a moment, seeing a glimpse of the charming, charismatic man he must have been before the demon lord cursed him and leeched away all the softer emotions.”

“I love you, Brynna. I will love you until the day I breathe my last. You belong to me, and I will make you the happiest of women. Now take off all your clothes, and pretend you are a Celtic princess about to be marauded by an incredibly virile Viking studmuffin."-Alrik to Brynna”

“How many toes did I have when we left London, does anyone remember?" Jim asked, examining its feet. "I think one is missing.""Stop fussing about a missing toe. We have more important things to focus on, like finding Drake and saving him from whatever trouble he’s in," I answered, straightening my clothing and zipping up my heavy parka."Oh, man, I am missing one! I know I had four on this foot! What sort of place was that company you used, demon-haters or something?""Budget Teleporters is a perfectly good company. Didn’t you listen to their warning about keeping your arms and legs in the portal at all times?”

“Are you planning on asking my daughter's permission to ravish me as I deserve? If so, please take heed when she informs you that I am lonely and need a woman in my life. She's been nagging me for the last five years to find one." "In your dreams, bat boy.”