“Just because I'm flaunting it doesn't mean you can stare for hours on end. A polite ogle is appreciated and suitable for a flaunt. Slobbering is not. ”

“I love you and that means I'm stuck with you no matter how badly you treat me.”

“Do you want me to ride you like a rented mule, or do you prefer to be Mr. Missionary Position? I'm fine with wither, so it doesn't matter to me.”

“Roxy, stop being so obnoxious!" -Joy"I'm never obnoxious; I'm just concerned." -Roxy”

“And you can just stop that right now, too." "Stop what?" "That," Io pointed at his crotch, "You're getting all bulgy, and I resent your penis's implication that I'm doing something to arouse you. Unless you're some sort of weirdo who gets off by women saying the word 'penis' which is frankly kinda sad.”

“Hey!” I said, indignation filling me. “I’m immortal! Doesn’t that mean I won’t get saggy boobs and gray hair? Because if it doesn’t mean that, I want a refund—”

“Crutches may be a pain in the (pinched nerve back) ass to use, but damn, they are handy when your dog pushes open the bathroom door while you are contemplating life. They're also handy to turn on lights just out of your reach, and to threat your husband with if he doesn't fetch you a Fresca because you are a poor, pathetic little thing huddled under a Snuggy, unable to walk without bellowing profanities at the top of your lungs, thereby scaring your dogs, the fat squirrel stuffing his face on the deck, and the manic depressive goats that live three houses down.”