“What about Josh?” I think there’s more to that question than she’s letting on but she’s testing the waters. Salvation, I write. She looks at the word and nods. And for a minute she looks as sad as I feel. “That fits, I think.”

“It’s about the dream of second chances,” he says finally. He hasn’t raised his eyes from the paper on his desk and I feel him looking at me without looking when he uses his grandfather’s words. “The narrator doesn’t respect the beauty of life and the world around her, so it crushes her into the ground and once she’s dead, she realizes everything she took for granted and didn’t see right in front of her while she was alive. She’s begging for another chance to live again so she can appreciate it this time.”“And does she get that chance?” she asks Josh while I desperately focus on the poster of literary terms on the wall and wait for absolution. When it comes, I barely hear it.“She does.”

“What did you call her?" she asks but I don't think it's her real question."Sunshine," I say, and she smiles like she believes it's perfect and she may be the only person other than me who would think so."What is she to you?" she whispers. The real question and I know the answer even if I don't know how to say it.Drew's muffled voice rises up from the floor before I can respond."Family," he says.And he's right.”

“Thats the irony of Josh and me, and it shames me every time I think about it. He has no family. No one to love him. I'm surrounded by love and I dont want any of it. I piss all over what he woud thank God for. And if I needed more proof that I have no soul, then there it is.”

“Maybe I just wanted the girl to look at me again. (Josh)”

“And if I want to leave here without regrets, I need to know there are no more unsaid words left to haunt me. --Josh”

“Her smile fades. "I cant use any of it.""You can use some of it," I say, because I want the smile back and because its true. She can do more than she thinks she can. For some reason, she just wont try. "And I can be your other hand when you need it.”