“For a psychiatrist to be any good, he has to be willing to corner you, close off the easy exits, even when it hurts. It's supposed to. (46)”

“...Some people hurt so much they can't take what they need, even when someone wants to give it to them. (106)”

“Human empathy, while not found on any chart of human anatomy, is the reason we instinctively hurt for our children… it is the reason that one human being’s intensely personal tests and triumphs can be harnessed to the good of countless others.”

“A man like Kappler might become angriest, most detached, even sickest at those times his psychiatrist edges closest to the truths about his life. The rage and even the psychosis has to be seen for what it is: the flamethrower of a fortress under siege. Pleasantries, humor, and easy exchanges might be clues that no real work is being done. There can be no retreat on the psychiatrist's part. One patient with a psychotic illness has written: "the doctor has to feel sure he has the right to break into the illness, just as a parent knows he has the right to walk into a baby's room, no matter what the baby feels about it. The doctor has to know he's doing the right thing...some people go through life with vomit on their lips. You can feel their terrible hunger but they defy you to feed them.”

“Most children would rather preserve the fantasy of a loving connection with their fathers and mothers, at all costs, even if it costs them their self-esteem. When you're three or seven years old, it's less frightening to think of yourself as an unlovable, disappointing screwup than to recognize the fact that you're living with a monster.”

“As if you don’t already know all this, men who beat up on women are different than the rest of us. Okay? They’re unhinged. Out there. Without feelings. And anyone arrogant enough to violate an order of the court, when it could get him a year or more in jail, is different, too. He doesn’t get the idea of boundaries – like, where his life stops and other people’s start.' He let his hands settle back to his coffee cup. If you or I were the subject of a restraining order, we’d be twenty miles from ground zero at all times. We’re not gonna screw with the justice system once it buries its teeth in us.' He paused, sipped his coffee.”

“...Loving anyone, anywhere, at any time, leaves you infinitely vulnerable at every single moment.”