“Who's the genius who thought replacing Dick Clark with Ryan Seacrest was a good idea?”
“He, Dominix Alexander Zubiri, was in love. With a woman who gagged at the thought of sucking his dick. The universe's idea of a colossal joke.”
“To say I didn't have great luck in the guy department was like saying Ryan Seacrest didn't have great luck in the height department: total understatement.”
“Geniuses are just people who had good mothers.”
“Ryan Seacrest: Trouble, trouble trouble. So why do girls go for the bad guys, what is it Taylor Swift? Why?Taylor Swift: Because maybe we could change them! Everybody wants to like tame a lion.”
“She wondered why she’d ever thought trusting someone who wore that much eyeliner was a good idea.”