“Digger motioned to Zoltan. “What about that one? He has funny eyes. Could be an alien.”“He’s Zoltan, a vampire like me,” Phineas explained.“Are you sure? Zoltan sounds like an alien planet.”

“Damn.” Phineas turned the Big Boy off, then noticed he’d left the box on the bed. Damn, had Zoltan seen it? He stuffed the phallus back into the box, but must have jammed too hard, for it started wiggling again.“Stop it.” He punched a button, but it merely increased its speed, the tip spiraling in wild circles.Damn! He watched in horror. It was like a whirlybird on steroids! How could a man compete with that? He ripped the balls off it and emptied out the batteries. “Die, you freakin’ dildo, die!”

“Jack zoomed into the clearing at vampire speed. His eyes widened at the sight of Phineas and Brynley hovering twelve feet in the air. “I heard a gunshot. Are you all right?”“Dagnabbit! Another alien!” Digger bellowed.“Where?” Jack glanced behind him, then gasped when Digger shifted back into a bear and charged. He levitated, too. “Merda! Now I see why you’re floating.”

“Don’t give me the evil eye. You were the one about to star in an X-rated porno flick."-Phineas”

“There's no bright side," Phineas objected. "The man's got no gonads.""But she hit the target," Carlos said."The man has got no gonads," Phineas repeated forcefully."It was an accident." Caitlyn set her gun on the counter. "I was aiming for his chest.""You blew his pecker to Connecticut," Phineas muttered.She grinned. "I think you have issues, Phineas. It was only a paper pecker.”

“Sean groaned. “What are you thinking? The future of Vamps around the world depends on this, and you’re subjecting those poor innocent girls to a playboy and the self-proclaimed Love Doctor?”Phineas huffed. “Dude, I can be a perfect gentleman.”“On what planet?” Sean growled.”

“Phineas gave Abigail an encouraging smile. “Chillax, dudette. He didn’t want to bite you.”She wondered if she’d overreacted. “He didn’t?”“Naw.” Phineas smirked. “He just wanted to jump your bones.”