“Oh noes, kitteh haz major angriez!” I said. I turned around to share a laugh with my companions and found them glaring at me. “What?” I asked.Leif shook a finger and said in a low, menacing tone, “If you tell me I have to talk like an illiterate halfwit to fit into this society, I will punch you.”“And I’ll pull out your goatee,” Gunnar added.“Lolcat iz new happeh wai 2 talk,” I explained to them. “U doan haz 2 be kitteh 2 speek it.”

“Stridey-Man' asked, Want 2 vacay w/me?William snorted as he typed. Romantic getaway for 2? UR not my type, dickwad.Fuck U. i'm everybody's types. So U in or out?Last chance in or out?InKnew U couldn't resist me. B ready in 5.Right on. Make it 10. I want 2 style my hair for U. U know, just how U like it.ASSHOLE.”

“Stridey-Man: " Want 2 vaca w/me?"William: "Romantic getaway for 2? UR not my type"Stridey-Man: "I'm everyone's type. So U in or out? 'Cause I'm thinking about hooking up w/P, wherever he is. U'd just B extra baggage."William: "In"Stridey: "Knew you couldn't resist me. B ready in 5."William: "Right on. Make it 10. I want 2 style my hair for U. U know, just how U like it."Stridey: "Now U only have 8 minutes 2 do UR hair.”

“GUESS WHERE I AM.CLUE? she texted back SWEAR U WON'T TELL A SOUL? U HAVE 2 ASK?I reluctantly texted,@ DINNER W. MARCIE'S DAD.#?@#$?!&MY MOM IS DATING HIM.TRAITOR! IF THEY GET MARRIED, U & MARCIE...COULD USE A LITTLE CONSOLATION HERE!DOES HE KNOW UR TEXTING ME? Vee asked.NO. THEY R INSIDE. I'M IN THE PARKING LOT ----COOPERSMITHS.THE PIMP. 2 GOOD 4 APPLEBEE'S, I SEE.I'M GOING 2 ORDER THE MOST EXPENSIVE THINGS ON THE MENU. IF ALL GOES WELL,HIM GOING TO THROW HANK'S DRINK IN HIS FACE 2.”

“I moved quickly, putting myself between the two of them. "Stop it!" I shouted. "I have way too much to worry about right now to also have to pull you two off each other. Jeesh, talk about immature." Both guys kept glaring at each other over my head. "I said, stop it!" And I smacked their chests. That made them blink and shift their attention to me. Now it was my turn to do the glaring. "You know, you two are ridiculous with your puffing up and your testosterone and crap. I mean, I could summon the elements and kick both of your butts."Heath shuffled his feet and looked embarrassed. Then he grinned at me, like a cute little boy whose mommy had just yelled at him. "Sorry, Zo. I forget you have some major mojo going on.”

“Love peeps who have 2 correct me.Well it's peeps like you that give me fault when it comes to Apple. Apple been annoying me as well when it comes 2 trying 2 auto-correct me. Always ends up spelling it freaking wrong and just generally making me look like an asswipe as well as itself. It was fine b4 you changed it, I know I spelt it right, just like COLOUR is not spelt COLOR in my country!!! I never typed PEAK!! I wrote PEEK! it just decided not to and pissed me off just like peeps, like you, who like 2 auto-correct me!Rant over!”