“I was dead.I was so,so dead.I was going to be expelled and then I'd never get into Georgetown,and I'd work at the diner for the rest of my life and lend would marry the dyrad lab assistant and they'd have half-tree-and-one-quarter-water-thing babies,and no one would know quite what they were,but they'd be beautiful.And I'd serve them French fries when they came home to visit.”

“Wait, aren't they notoriously lusty?"There was a pause at the other end of the line."Oh,you are not going to that lab again."Lend laughed and I closed my eyes, picturing how he would look in front of me. "Trust me, there's only one paranormal I'd like to be notoriously lusty for me."I sighed. "Okay, but I don't think I can find a hag on such short notice.”

“I felt the exact same way.But if it helps,you look much cuter freaking out than I ever did."I peeked out through my hands."But what if I don't get in?"He wrapped his arms around me. "No more worrying about it.You'll get in.""Good.Someone needs to keep an eye on you and that dirty little dyrad of a lab assistant."He laughed,squeezing me until I couldn't breathe. "Why would I ever want a lusty tree nymph when I could have a hyperventilating Evie?”

“What if a zombie came in,reeking of death and decay? He'd totally go for te Vicious Redhead Soccer Girl sitting right by the door.I could take a zombie. That ruler on the teacher's desk looked like a sharp edge,and how cool would my classmates think I was? Especially if I had Tasey.I sighed,leaning my head back and staring up at the ceiling.It would never work. No ruler would be sharp enough. Besides which,I never bring Tasey to school.And even if I saved everyone in the class,I'd probably still be expelled due to the school's zero tolerance policy on violence.I'd just have to live without the everlasting appreciation and admiration of my classmates.”

“I stared in disbelief at the letter gracing the front page. C+? C+? Didn't he know how much time I spent studying for this stupid,pointless test? Didn't he know I'd spent half the night before taking it battling the forces of evil? Didn't he know I needed to get into Georgefreakingtown?The C+ sat there,mocking me.It was probably a good thing I didn't have Tasey in my bag, or I would have burned that heinous letter right off the page.”

“Jack?" I whispered urgently."Oh,right.We shouldn't be seen. I don't think they'd kill us,but one never knows.""I'm going to kill you!" I hissed as we ducked behind one of the horrible boulders.”

“And..it was Jack. Jack. Of the many things I'd considered doing to him, most involved violence.None of them involved lip-on-lip action.I jerked my head back,but it wasn't hard to get away,since he pulled back at the same moment.He wrinkled his nose. "Well, that was...interesting. Always wanted to try it,but now that I have,I'm pretty sure I never want to again."Furious,I smacked him in the shoulder with my free hand, hating that we still had to have one clasped so I wouldn't be lost forever. "You"-smack-"little"-smack-"freak!"-smack. "What was that?!" SMACK.He dodged another volley. "And I had been under the impression that afterward was a little less"-he winced as I connected hard-"painful.""Listen,creep,if I wanted you to kiss me,I would have asked! And I didn't. And I wouldn't! And if you ever try that again,so help me,I will find that fossegrim and throw you to a watery death!"And then-as if his awkward,terrible kiss weren't bad enough-he started laughing."SHUT UP!"He shook his head,grinning smugly. "See? Two goals accomplished. One:try out kissing. Miserable failure, no doubt your fault,but a noble effort nonetheless.I should find your friend Carlee. She's probably better at it than you are."Why couldn't my glamour-piercing eyes have a laser function? I wouldn't kill him. I'd just burn the word "freak" into his forehead."Aren't you going to ask me what my second goal was?" He batted his eyelashed at me."No,I'm not."He nudged me in the ribs with his elbow. "You aren't crying anymore, are you?"I'd have to let go of his hand to throttle him. So that option was out. "Being so mad I'd like to kill you is better?”