“I think the correct term for this was ‘pissing contest’, and though I was flattered, I didn’t have time for it.”

“There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.”

“The favorite game of temperamental people is Try to Guess Why I’m Ticked Off. (Contestant number one, Why do YOU think he’s pissed off? Why, I’m not sure, Bob, but I’m going to go with ‘Because I Left the Faucet Dripping.’ BEEP. I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. The correct answer is: ‘Because You Happen to Exist.’)”

“What is the politically correct term for ‘retarded’?”“I think the words you’re fishing for are ‘mentally disabled.’ And no. I’m not mentally disabled.”

“Now that we have the pissing contest out of the way, we need information. [Rayna]”

“Finn.” “Victor.” “Awkward.” I looked at both their faces but neither seemed to really notice I was there. The second pissing for distance contest began. You were going to ask him!”