“Tagged by a whiny little vamp," he said gesturing. "Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I'm a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.”

“Tagged by a whiny little vamp. Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I'm a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.”

“So, let me get this straight," he said to me. "You save my ass and you're a loser. I stick up for you because of it and I'm a hero. How does that work?""I don't know. But it's so sweet.”

“I feel like a donkey, with a stick in my mouth and a carrot up my ass.”

“The archangel Michael came down from on high and I asked him,'Lo, how can I getteth the stick from my friend Paul's ass?' and he said, 'This ought to go a long way.' And he gave me a six-pack of Heineken.”

“Aside from blow jobs, though, I'm through with being the perfect girlfriend, just through with it. Then if he's sore with me, let him dump my ass. That will just give me more time to be a genius.”