“I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.”
“Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.”
“I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.”
“There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979”
“Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...”
“why did i so passionately require the truth? because all great fiction is true”
“Always respect your superiors, if you have any.”