“I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.”

“see the people on the sidewalk?...aren't you glad you're not one of them?they're all so self-importantly going nowhere...they just have no idea of who they are or where they really belong. nothing will ever be enough for them. nothing will truly make them happy. they all think they've got to get someplace, got to meet someone, got to get to work, got to get home, got to keep that appointment. if they had a hundred million bucks, it wouldn't be enough for them. if they had four cars, they'd need more. if they had four homes, they'd need more. they are organically out of touch with their land and their tribe.”

“If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.”

“If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!”

“If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.”

“I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.”

“You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.”