“Never re-elect anybody”

“A fool and his money are soon elected”

“I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.”

“You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.”

“My dear,Find what you love and let it kill you.Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.~ Falsely yours”

“Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.”

“Politics is the only field of human endeavor where the more experience you have, the worse you get.”