“Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.”

“I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.”

“Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...”

“Always respect your superiors, if you have any.”

“Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.”

“Politics is the only field of human endeavor where the more experience you have, the worse you get.”

“If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.”