“Because I want to see you with someone better than him. Someone who will see how lucky they are to have you.”

“I don't like him," I explained. "He annoys the hell out of me ninety-six percent of the time, and sometimes I'd like nothing better than to strangle him to death. But at the same time I... I want him to be happy. I think about him way more than I should, and I -""You love him.”

“I was thinking about how much I wanted to reenact that part in the shower with my hot, sexy, gorgeous girlfriend. And how she wouldn't need a butt double because she's perfect already.""You smooth talker, you.""I was also thinking how much sexier I am than that guy she was screwing in the shower.”

“You amaze me Lissa Daniels. Most girls would cave as soon as I gave them the puppy-dog look with these amazing eyes.""Sorry. I like boys. Not dogs. You should've dated a different girl if you wanted someone to bend to your will.”

“Sorry," she said. "I'm just ... surprised. It's weird. Sex was never scary to me." She paused. "So what about it do you find scary? Like, penises? Because I can see how those might be a little scary.”

“Shave that Moses beard and you might have better luck. Women don’t want to kiss carpet, you know.”

“How would you know?" I demanded, splashing water in Harrison's face. "You were watching him, too.""Too!" he cried. "I got you! Ha. You just admitted you were watching him. You love him. You so love him.”