“Because of one unsuccessful beheading?” She tapped her claw to her chin. “Wow. I never thought you were such a pussy. I’m rethinking our friendship.”

“Elizabeth is my happiness, he thought again. “I could hate her for what she did to me.”“Because of one unsuccessful beheading?” She tapped her claw to her chin. “Wow. I never thought you were such a pussy. I’m rethinking our friendship.”

“Well, the flannel-coated pussy stealer won’t be taking care of her for much longer,” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt. She looked at me blankly. Perhaps she didn’t appreciate her sister being referred to as “pussy”. I cleared my throat. “I meant flannel-coated…ginger douche.”She dipped her chin and said dryly, “Dude, the term is douchecanoe.”

“I’m like a staircase, she was like an elevator, and our relationship never escalated above friendship. I’d like to think we’ll one day be a couple, but I’m not going to wear a fishbowl on my head and dream about it. That wouldn’t be fair to me, her, or the goldfish I’d be displacing.”

“You were the the exception to the rule. You were the one person who made me rethink everything I ever believed in and I’m so happy that you did.”

“Amber, you could never embarrass me.""Never?" she asked."Never.""One time, I yelled across the store to Mom and asked her if she wanted the regular or the super-absorbent tampons. I added that, according to the box, the super-absorbent were for those heavy days. Then I asked her to rate her heaviness on a scale of one to ten.""Okay, you could.""Then while we were standing in line, I asked her why she was buying three boxes of Summer's Eve in the middle of winter."I set her at arm's length. "Wow.""I know, right? I had no idea a person could turn so red.”