“Why don't you just buy me a minivan, zip me into mom jeans, and shoot me in the face" - Melanthe the potential Queen of Persuasions:”

“pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!”

“Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!""If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.”

“Me: "If you want me to be a teenager, don't send me to Support Group. Buy me a fake ID so I can go to clubs, drink vodka, and take pot."Mom: "You don't take pot, for starters."Me: "See, that's the kind of thing I'd know if you got me a fake ID.”

“Tell me why you're so hard to forget. Don't remind me, I'm not over it. Tell me why, I can't seem to face the truth, I'm just a little too not over you.”

“Don't shoot me, I'm just the piano player!”