“I've entered the looney bin," I told another unwitting customer, this one female."It's always like that around here," the customer replied. "That's why I come, it's like walking into a sitcom that could only air on HBO.”

“I had entered Kidneyland. I was officially a patient now. Somehow, I had managed to walk through the door: WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF SICKNESS. We have air-conditioning and HBO.”

“The Customer isn't always right. Sometimes the customer is an asshole. That's the first rule of retail.”

“Instead of a motorcycle, why not ride a custom-engineered unicorn? The unicorn could be genetically grown like corn.”

“How far I've come! I'm the same girl and yet not the same. I wonder if it's always like that? Folks keep growing from one person into another all their lives, and life is just a lot of everyday adventures. Well, whatever life is, I like it.”

“CUSTOMER: Do you have this children's book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe.”