“I turned to Eddie. "Okay, I've never done this. This is the guy's department. What do I do? We need to get Lee's size and we need industrial strength. Show me which ones to buy."Eddie looked at the display and looked to me. "You're askin' me to help you buy condoms for Lee?"" Industrial strength condoms," I reminded him.Eddie stared at me like he was re-thinking his crush on me."okay," I said, trying to be helpful, "we'll break it down. We'll start with the size."He shook his head. "First, I'm a little worried you're lookin' to me to tell you Lee's size. Lee es mi hermano , but we aren't that close. Second, they don't come in sizes.”

“Okay, I’ve never done this. This is the guy’s department. What do I do? We need to get Lee’s size and we need industrial strength. Show me which ones to buy.”Eddie looked at the display and looked at me. “You’re askin’ me to help you buy condoms for Lee?”“Industrial strength condoms,” I reminded him. ...“Let me get this straight,” he said and I could tell he was laughing, “you dragged Eddie to Walgreen’s to help pick out condoms for me?”“Well, I didn’t know!”…“Did you tell Eddie the part about long-lasting reliability?”Oh Lord.“Forget it,” I said.“Indy?” he called.“What?” I snapped, kinda pissy.“I love you.” He still had laughter in his voice and there was something very cool about him laughing and saying I love you at the same time.”

“I looked up at Lee when we stopped in front of Hector and informed him helpfully, “You might want to take your arm away. Blanca tells me Hector doesn’t like men touching me.” “Blanca told you that?” Lee asked, his smile (and arm) still firmly in place.“Yes. She’s known Hector, like, his whole life so I think she’s in the position to know.” Lee nodded, his smile somehow bigger like he was trying not to laugh then his eyes moved to Hector and he said, “I tried to stop it.”Hector looked at Lee then looked at me then he muttered, “Oh fuck.”“It was Ally’s idea,” Lee told Hector.“What was Ally’s idea?” Hector asked Lee.“It was not Ally’s idea!” I cried.“It wasn’t!” super-power-eared Ally yelled from the open back window of Lee’s Explorer. “It was Sadie’s idea. I just was offering moral support.”“Shut up, Ally!” Indy shouted out the open passenger side window.“I will not shut up! I’m not taking the fall for this one!” Ally shouted back.I turned to the car, dislodging Lee’s arm and lifted both my hands and pressed down. “No one’s going to take a fall. Everyone calm down. It’s all okay. It’s rock ‘n’ roll!” I screamed.“Righteous!” Ally screamed back.“Rock on, sister!” Indy screamed too.“It’s rock ‘n’ roll?” Lee asked, sounding as amused as he looked.“You all wanna quit screamin’ at three o’clock in the mornin’ in my fuckin’ neighborhood?” Hector suggested.Mm, well maybe we were being an eensy bit loud.“Time for beddie by,” I announced (sounding like Ralphie), got up on tiptoe, kissed Lee’s cheek (like Ralphie and Buddy would do to me), turned and gave Indy and Ally a double devil’s horns (like Ava taught me) and shouted, “Rock on!” They shouted back in unison, “Rock on!”“Christ,” Hector muttered.”

“Lee nodded, his smile somehow bigger like he was trying not to laugh then his eyes moved to Hector and he said, “I tried to stop it.”Hector looked at Lee then looked at me then he muttered, “Oh fuck.”“It was Ally’s idea,” Lee told Hector.“What was Ally’s idea?” Hector asked Lee.“It was not Ally’s idea!” I cried.“It wasn’t!” super-power-eared Ally yelled from the open back window of Lee’s Explorer. “It was Sadie’s idea. I just was offering moral support.”“Shut up, Ally!” Indy shouted out the open passenger side window.“I will not shut up! I’m not taking the fall for this one!” Ally shouted back.”

“Lee on the other hand was not asexual. He might think of me as his little sister and could calmly sleep next to me without his nipples getting hard (or anything else getting hard for that matter) but I was pretty certain I could not do the same.”

“They’re on Lee and Indy Sex Watch.”“Come again?”“They want to know when we’ve done it.”Silence. I went on.“If we don’t do it soon, they might force us to at gunpoint.”“Christ.”“I know. No pressure though. I told them we’re taking is slow.”“You have to report in?”“I kind of feel obliged.”“How’s that?”I didn’t want to tell him I’d recruited them both for Lee Maneuvres in the past, so I said, “Never mind.”“If something doesn’t happen soon, it’s gonna be bad. I can’t keep focussed, all I can think of is what’s on your Victoria’s Secret credit statement.“You need to keep focused,” I told him, “bad guys are after me.”“Tell me about it.”

““Fuck! ” I shouted and everyone at the espresso counter looked over at us. “Half a million dollars?” Lee dropped his foot and turned to me. “Roxie, calm down.”“Half a million dollars and he bought me cheese puffs and took me to that sleaze bag motel? I’m gonna fucking kill that motherfucker!” I yelled.“Roxie –”I slammed my fists on my knees. “The least he could have done was bind my wrists with VELVET ROPE. He sure could have afforded it. Stupid jerk.”