“It also bugs me when I hear about "Angelina's adopted son" or "Rosie's adopted children"--as if that word will always separate them instead of binding them together. Angelina's son and Rosie's kids and I sould get a regular apostrophe-plus-s like everybody else.”

“A professionally trained actress should be a better liar, wouldn't you think? But no. I am pathetically underachieved in that area. I can think of a great lie. I'm plenty imaginative. But before the words are even out of my mouth, there's a weird tickle of unease in my armpits, a horsefly of guilt lands on the back of my neck, and before I can stop myself, that gassy little bubble of truth belches out.”

“I'm a very controversial figure in the Christian world. I don't believe if you're gay or you have a drink or you dance, you're going to hell. I don't think that's the kind of God we have. The Pat Robertsons and Jerry Falwells of the world are scary. I want to be a Christian like Christ - loving and accepting of other people.”

“The lasting legacy of the Cooter Smash is that I'm the first to know when it's going to rain. That's right. I both sing and predict the weather with my hoo hoo.”

“I'm sick of people who've never been to church telling me that church is full of hypocrites, and people who've never read the Bible telling me that it's baloney.”

“Some relationships aren't meant to be Great Love; they're meant to be like a hot fudge sundae--enjoyable but not something you can acually live on.”

“Labor omnia vincit! "Labor conquers all things!”