“Designer clothes, bubblegum pop music, celebrity heartthrobs - I couldn't give a fat rat's hairy ass. Just give me my hotdog and Jane Austen, and I'm good.”

“And I love Jane Austen's use of language too--the way she takes her time to develop a phrase and gives it room to grow, so that these clever, complex statements form slowly and then bloom in my mind. Beethoven does the same thing with his cadence and phrasing and structure. It's a fact: Jane Austen is musical. And so's Yeats. And Wordsworth. All the great writers are musical.”

“I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all outta bubblegum.”

“I’m just peachy. Even managed to keep most of my clothes on and everything. (Vane)Yeah, you do that. Don’t want your scrawny body making my Sunshine go blind or anything. (Talon)Trust me, if she hasn’t gone blind looking at your fat, hairy ass, mine’s not going to hurt her any. (Vane)Hairy? Excuse me, but you definitely have me confused with your brother. (Talon)”

“It was like being in a Jane Austen novel, but one with far less clothing.”

“I self-medicate with fat, carbohydrates, and Jane Austen, my number one drug of choice, my constant companion through every breakup, every disappointment, every crisis. Men might come and go, but Jane Austen was always there. In sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till death do us part.”