“I am not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.”
“Don't hide behind the Constitution or the Bible. If you're against gay marriage, just be honest, put a scarlet 'H' on your shirt, and say, 'I am a homophobe!”
“I am pissed off at your insensitive inability to understand why I'm pissed off in the first place.”
“I am a vampire," I say softly. "And you have pissed me off.”
“Zircoff," I said, "put the tomatoes away." "Piss," he said, "I wish they were hand grenades.”
“All day long I hear nothing but what an exasperating child I am, and although I laugh it off and pretend not to mind, I wish I could ask God to give me another personality, one that doesn't antagonize everyone.”