“That's the point. Every kind of animal thinks its own kind of animal is wonderful. So people getting married think they're wonderful, and that they're going to have a baby-- that's wonderful, when actually they're as ugly as rhinoceroses. Just because we think we're so wonderful doesn't mean we really are. We could be really terrible animals and just never admit it because it would hurt so much.”

“It all depends on what people you're talking about helping. That's the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet - they're all so incredibly selfish.”

“Are we animals because we're caged, or caged because we're animals? I think it's both.”

“You can spend a lot of time trying to figure out how men think, and you'll always be wrong. That's because they're so much simpler than we are. They don't think half the time. They just want what they want and then go for it.”

“The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the skyAre also on the faces of people going byI see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"They're really saying "I love you"I hear babies cryin', I watch them growThey'll learn much more than I'll ever knowAnd I think to myself, what a wonderful worldYes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world”

“There's a very mean girl down the hall who's trying to get me fired. I'm no good with confrontation, so whenever I say, "Have a wonderful day," to her out loud, I'm really saying, "Be nice to me or I will stab you in the face with a fork," in my head. I wish her a wonderful day at least once an hour. She's starting to get paranoid and jumpy about it, but there's really nothing she can do, because she can't complain about me wishing her a wonderful day without sounding totally insane. This is why you should never mess with nonconfrontational people. Because they're too unstable to second-guess. And because they're totally the kind of people who could suddenly snap, and stab you in the face with a fork.”