“If Castle Dracula screwed a hospital, this would be the bastard offspring.”

“Time is the bastard offspring of an incestuous act that God committed upon reality." Merlin to Arthur in "Arthur Rex”

“You ever get the feeling the world's filling up with bastards? I do. What I want to know is what happens when all the bastards run out of people to crap on? What happens when all that's left in the world is bastards? . . . The golden rule. Screw unto others before they screw unto you.”

“We’re so screwed. (Cassandra)Yeah, well, I don’t let anyone screw me until they kiss me, and since there’s not even a snowball’s chance in hell of me kissing that bastard, we’re not screwed. (Wulf)”

“The past is bound to be fragmentary, bound to be reconstructed, bound to be reinvented. It serves only to collect the truths of today. If our present is the child of the past, our past is the child of the present. And the future will be the harvester of our bastard offspring.”

“Say what you want, I still think Dracula One and Dracula Two are creep-tacular.”