“Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea.It's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stopslapping us.”

“You cannot talk to people successfully if they think you are not interested in what they have to say or you have no respect for them. ”

“I hear Jesus telling us to stop negotiating with Him, to stop offering something we think we have in exchange for His blessings.”

“You should be proud of her. She cracked the wall, and I never thought I'd live to see it cracked."What are you talking about?" I said. "What wall?"The one you built around you," Jeannie said. "Don't say it wasn't there. It was there. I tried to crack it but I didn't have the confidence, you know? What happened is, it cracked me, but that's okay, I'm working around my crack pretty well. But you were dying behind your wall, and you're lucky to have a daughter who has the guts to crack it. I hope she smashes it to fucking smithereens and you never have another peaceful day in your whole fucking life, Mr. Deck!”

“I sometimes think the sexual organs were put there to keep the human race humble," she said. "They've certainly kept me humble.”

“Never hire anyone who starts a sentence with the word "Dude!" and never work for a guy who doesn't know the difference between mute and moot”

“(First Barbarian): whats the difference between a lord and a barbarian?(second Barbarian): As little as a week!”