“God will break California from the surface of the continent like someone breaking off a piece of chocolate. It will become its own floating paradise of underweight movie stars and dot-commers, like a fat-free Atlantis with superfast Wi-Fi.”

“Everyone loves a villain. Or maybe not a villain, exactly, but someone you can point out and say, "I might be weird, but I'm not weird like her.”

“The truth is," I say, "he's having my baby. It's a medical miracle. Someone call the newspapers.”

“I like to rub Twinkies under my arms.”

“She got icing all over her face. I think that's why I like her. For the good stuff, she's willing to get icing all over her face. Who wouldn't want a girl like that?”

“He clears his throat. 'Do you want to go to a movie or something?' The wings stop flapping. 'I can't. I'm sort of under house arrest.''Till when?''Till pigs fly and hell freezes over.''Soon, then.''Any minute.”

“We can all look up and say,. okay, there's the South Star,. there's the Big Dogpile, there's the Little Dipshit. Twinkle, twinkle.”