“The truth is," I say, "he's having my baby. It's a medical miracle. Someone call the newspapers.”

“Everyone loves a villain. Or maybe not a villain, exactly, but someone you can point out and say, "I might be weird, but I'm not weird like her.”

“If other people thought art was important, then it would be required to graduate. But no, I don’t have to take art. I do have to take math, which is just a waste of time because the numbers get all switched up in my brain, plus, calculators exist for a reason. I do have to take history, which is basically memorizing tariff acts till your brain bleeds. I do have to take four years of gym class with a bunch of jerks who punch me if they don’t like what I say. But art? Optional. Even though art and music and literature and all that are what make us human. Algebra doesn’t make us human. Games don’t make us human.”

“He grew out his hair," June says. "He looks amazing.""He looks like a giant caramel with some carpet lint stuck to the top of it.”

“God will break California from the surface of the continent like someone breaking off a piece of chocolate. It will become its own floating paradise of underweight movie stars and dot-commers, like a fat-free Atlantis with superfast Wi-Fi.”

“I like to rub Twinkies under my arms.”

“The principal: You're a smart girl, so I'm going to be blunt. I think you'd be a lot happier if you stopped acting so weird. Me: Who says I'm not happy?”