“I just don't believe in helping people who are going to torture me. Though I don't see any bamboo slivers. How can you possibly torture someone without bamboo slivers?”

“I know Mark,' I reply. 'And I don't like him.''But I do. And part of being social means being civil to someone you don't like.''That's stupid. It's a huge world. why not just get up and walk away?''Because that's rude,' Jess explains.'I think it's rude to stick a smile on your face and pretend you like talking to someone when in reality you'd rather be sticking bamboo slivers under your fingernails.”

“We weren't being mauled by lions.We weren't being tortured with bamboo shoots shoved under our fingernails.No Chinese water torture.No burning at the stake.We weren't even being interrogated under bright lights.If only.No, what we endured was a special kind of torture, designed especially for us by The Rat, that made me wish for a bamboo manicure. - Simon Mugford”

“A sliver of hope sneaks past my walls and I slam every opening shut. Emotion is evil. People who make me feel are worse. I take comfort in the stone inside me. If I don't feel, I don't hurt.”

“I popped out of a bamboo, fallen from the sky.Leave no leaf ripped, don't you ruin the nature.It makes me bitter, remembering inhuman past.”

“Are you sure you know where you're going?" Andrea frowned."Would you like me to pull over and ask that bamboo for directions?""I don't know, do you think it will answer?"We peered at the bamboo."I think it looks suspicious," Andrea said."Maybe there is a heffalump hiding in it."Andrea stared at me."You know, heffalump? From Pooh Bear?""Where do you even get this shit?”