“The prettier the wine bottle, the higher the likelihood sorority girls will buy it.”

“The most important thing about reading is not the level of sophistication of the books on your shelf. There is no prerequisite reading regimen for being a bookworm.”

“Pizza tastes as good as being skinny feels.”

“Let's still be friends" (things that are never true in a break up, but you have to say).”

“If you can spell "Nietzsche" without Google, you deserve a cookie.”

“Not interested in love or money. Interested in french fries.”

“Twitter provides us with a wonderful platform to discuss/confront societal problems. We trend Justin Bieber instead.”