“Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are.”

“You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.”

“You don't need to take a persons advice to make him feel good, just ask him for it.”

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”

“It is wise to remember that you are one of those who can be fooled some of the time.”

“The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.”