“. . . and even the worst ice cream is better than no ice cream.”

“Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no one's ever eaten before? Like chicken and telepone ice cream? Green mouse ice cream was the worst. I didn't like that at all.”

“Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton.”

“On second thought, maybe “Penis on a Stick Ice Cream Parlor” is not such a good name for a business—even an ice cream shop—but especially not a day care center catering towards the albino dwarf community.”

“Newspapers are even worse for me than ice cream; headlines, and the big issues that generate the headlines, are pure fat.”

“We were like the Beatles, Dad.''I know you think that, sweetie''Seriously. Mom is John, you're Paul, I'm George, and Ice Cream is Ringo.''Ice Cream,' I said. 'Resentful of the past, fearful of the future...everytime we saw Ice Cream sitting there with her mouth open, we'd say, Poor Ice Cream, resentful of the past, fearful of the future.”