“Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.”

“I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”

“On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.”

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

“When my love comes back from the ladies' room, will I be too old to care?”