“You have sex on the brain twenty-four seven Viv. I think you might need therapy.""Perhaps I do. Don't get me wrong I'm no Russell Brand, but I do have quite an avid interest in shagging.”

“- With respect, Professor McGonagall, I'm not quite sure you understand what I'm trying to do here.- With respect, Mr. Potter, I'm quite sure I don't. Unless - this is a guess, mind - you're trying to take over the world?- No! I mean yes - well, NO!- I think i should perhaps be alarmed that you have trouble answering the question.”

“Can I have a Happy Meal?""don't you think you're getting a little old for that?""I'm only seven, Dad.”

“While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?" to which he replied "Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.”

“I'm not going to force you into anything you don't want. But I'm also not going to take a vow of chastity and pine away for you, or whatever the hell it is that men do in romance novels these days. I have needs. I'd rather satisfy them with you, but if you don't want me I suppose I'll just have to find someone else. Might take me a while, but I'll make do. I always have before.”

“We don't need to have sex. There are other things i can do to help you sleep.”