“I'm English. We're about as tactful as a hot poker up the bum, most of the time.”

“The truth of the matter is, that most English people don't know how to make tea anymore either, and most people drink cheap instant coffee instead, which is a pity, and gives Americans the impression that the English are just generally clueless about hot stimulants.”

“Hiking is sort of like strip poker: by the end, all the participants are hot, sweaty, and nearly naked, and the winner is the person who wore the most layers.”

“We could work on our English outline," I say and almost can't contain the chuckle."Really? That's your idea of a hot date?""I'm sorry, I wasn't aware we were on a 'hot date'" And this time I can't contain the chuckle when she cringes. "So, how hot would you like it? I'm capable of all levels of hotness, from Luc-warm to - and I'm being literal here - hotter than Hell.”

“The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.”

“We're gonna be late for English, and I gotta take these pantyhose off on the way. I'm gettin' a serious wedgie.”