“You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far.”

“I knew it. You’re an alien,” said her former best friend, the pale, bespectacled creature with the spectacular cleavage. “Yes, I’m an alien and I still made cheerleader. And now I’m going to steal your boyfriend to prove girls can’t really be friends.” “I sat back timidly when you torched my house, killed my parents, and ate my dog. But now you’re stealing my boyfriend? That’s a step too far!”

“What’s the difference between an undead and my last boyfriend? One is a soul-sucking beast from hell and the other is an undead.”

“That's some moon""Stop talking about my ass, you beast.”

“Men have feelings too, you know. You bruise the petals of my manflower.”

“The wind has shifted to the East. A storm isn't far off. I can smell the moisture in the air, a fetid, living thing. Isolated drops fall, licking at my hands, my face, my dress. The quests squawk in surprise, turn their palms up to the sky as if questioning it, and dash for cover.”

“I should never be left alone with my mind for too long.”