“Jacob: 'So have you heard that in seventy years there won't be any gingers left on Earth?'Jules: 'Really? Huh. Nature. Awesome.'Sam: 'Actually, it's not true. It was some bogus report cooked up by a hair-dye company to get some extra press.'Jacob: 'Sure it was, Fanta-pants.'Ava: 'He's right. The recessive gene that causes red hair is totally able to skip generations, so redheads won't die out due to genetics.'Sam: 'Thank you, Ava. It's nice to know that someone around here is sensible.'Ava: 'Of course, redheads might become extinct because they find it so hard to get laid...”

“There was a crackle. Kobe's voice came through the cans. "What would you guys do," he said, apropos of nothing, "if Jules turned into a lizard?"Another crackle. "Hey!" Jules said."It wouldn't happen," said Jacob, and I saw him shrug in the half-light."But what if?"I pressed the talk button on my cans. "There's an old fish tank in our garage," I said. "I'd put Jules in it, and then get a heat rock from the pet shop."I heard Sam's low chuckle. "Make sure you wash your hands first.""Why?""So you don't get any lizardy diseases.""I don't have any lizardy diseases!" Jules's voice was getting higher."Not yet, but wait until you're a lizard.""What's a heat rock?" asked Jacob."It's a rock," I told him, "that you heat up. Lizards like them. Anyway, once I'd done that, I'd take you to see my cousin Adam.""IS HE A WIZARD?”

“Sam sighed. "Let's just say that I'm a terminal disappointment. And a ranga."I frowned. "What is that? The others keep saying it."Sam hesitated for a moment. "It's...Greek. It means debonair and handsome and generally made of awesome."I regarded him skeptically. "It's short for orangutan, isn't it?" I said. "Because you're a redhead."Sam looked disappointed. "Maybe.”

“Sam whacked Jacob over the ear. 'You know,' he said, his voice low, 'those pancakes'll go straight to your hips.'Jacob glowered at him. 'You know,' he mimicked, 'there's a reason nothing rhymes with orange.''There is a reason,' returned Sam. 'It's because orange comes from the Arabic word naranj, which in turn is thought to derive from the Tamil words aru, which means six, and anju, which means five. Because when you cut an orange in half, it has six segments in one half and five in the other. So nothing rhymes with it because we don't have many other words appropriated from Tamil.”

“Ava: 'Girls liking boys is normal.'Pat: 'No, it isn't. It's just common.”

“Ava darling, I am willing to admit that these stage crew freaks you hang out with are not entirely made of evil. But please, for the love of Han Solo, don't make me eat fish and chips with them. I just ate two pancakes and a quite disgusting sausage, and If I don't get some salad soon I honestly might die.”

“No, seriously,' choked Sam, his eyes streaming. 'You're such a loser, that you've actually stopped losing and have progressed to having just lost. It's over. The game is over. You have lost the game of life. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.”