“There was a crackle. Kobe's voice came through the cans. "What would you guys do," he said, apropos of nothing, "if Jules turned into a lizard?"Another crackle. "Hey!" Jules said."It wouldn't happen," said Jacob, and I saw him shrug in the half-light."But what if?"I pressed the talk button on my cans. "There's an old fish tank in our garage," I said. "I'd put Jules in it, and then get a heat rock from the pet shop."I heard Sam's low chuckle. "Make sure you wash your hands first.""Why?""So you don't get any lizardy diseases.""I don't have any lizardy diseases!" Jules's voice was getting higher."Not yet, but wait until you're a lizard.""What's a heat rock?" asked Jacob."It's a rock," I told him, "that you heat up. Lizards like them. Anyway, once I'd done that, I'd take you to see my cousin Adam.""IS HE A WIZARD?”

“Jacob: 'So have you heard that in seventy years there won't be any gingers left on Earth?'Jules: 'Really? Huh. Nature. Awesome.'Sam: 'Actually, it's not true. It was some bogus report cooked up by a hair-dye company to get some extra press.'Jacob: 'Sure it was, Fanta-pants.'Ava: 'He's right. The recessive gene that causes red hair is totally able to skip generations, so redheads won't die out due to genetics.'Sam: 'Thank you, Ava. It's nice to know that someone around here is sensible.'Ava: 'Of course, redheads might become extinct because they find it so hard to get laid...”

“Sam whacked Jacob over the ear. 'You know,' he said, his voice low, 'those pancakes'll go straight to your hips.'Jacob glowered at him. 'You know,' he mimicked, 'there's a reason nothing rhymes with orange.''There is a reason,' returned Sam. 'It's because orange comes from the Arabic word naranj, which in turn is thought to derive from the Tamil words aru, which means six, and anju, which means five. Because when you cut an orange in half, it has six segments in one half and five in the other. So nothing rhymes with it because we don't have many other words appropriated from Tamil.”

“And hither and thither fly--Mere puppets they, who come and go, At bidding of vast formless things, that shift the scenery to and fro.'"His voice was hushed and whispery in the earphones. "Mere puppets," he repeated. "It's Edgar Allen Poe.""So are we the vast formless things?""Yep."I grinned up at him. "Are you calling me fat and unshapely?"His low laugh tickled my ears. "Quite the contrary," he said. "Jacob can be vast, and I shall be formless. Your form is very pleasing.”

“It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see...""You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?""No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like so straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people.""Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy.""I did," said Ford. "It is.""So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't people get rid of the lizards?""It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want.""You mean they actually vote for the lizards?""Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course.""But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?""Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?""What?""I said," said Ford, with an increasing air of urgency creeping into his voice, "have you got any gin?""I'll look. Tell me about the lizards."Ford shrugged again."Some people say that the lizards are the best thing that ever happenned to them," he said. "They're completely wrong of course, completely and utterly wrong, but someone's got to say it.""But that's terrible," said Arthur."Listen, bud," said Ford, "if I had one Altairian dollar for every time I heard one bit of the Universe look at another bit of the Universe and say 'That's terrible' I wouldn't be sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.”

“Sam sighed. "Let's just say that I'm a terminal disappointment. And a ranga."I frowned. "What is that? The others keep saying it."Sam hesitated for a moment. "It's...Greek. It means debonair and handsome and generally made of awesome."I regarded him skeptically. "It's short for orangutan, isn't it?" I said. "Because you're a redhead."Sam looked disappointed. "Maybe.”

“I’m like America ” he said. Stephanie swung around to look at him unnerved. “What are you talking about ” she said. “Are you off your meds ” “Our hands are dirty ” Jules said.”