“I had never wanted attention, and now I waspurposely inviting it. As I had told Dr Duverger, I had little vanity, and yet one recentmorning I realized that I was avoiding looking at my own reflection, because it wasdisturbing. Did I wish to go through life like this? Yes, the scar was a horrible mementoof what I had done to my father, but now I questioned whether I needed it to be soobvious. The actual weight was within me. I carried it as though it were a heavyearthenware pot of water. I had to walk through my days carefully, so as not to let it spillover. It was my own personal burden, not necessary to be shared with all who looked atme.”

“I had never realized how much I needed the attention of others to confirm my own presence.”

“Now as I began to sort through his “effects” it occurred to me how little I had really known him … I had forced upon my father the character that fitted most easily with my image of myself; to have had to admit to any complexity in him would have compromised my own.”

“I was not at ease that night. I was a prey to an immense distress. I sat as if I had fallen into my chair. As on the first day I looked at my reflection in the glass, and all I could do was just what I had done then, simply cry, "I!”

“I had a weapon of my own and I wasn't afraid to fucking use it. And if I died? Who the fuck cared? I put the gun to my head and demanded to be let through. The fucktards shot me.”

“I had no business inviting other people’s emotions into my life when I had no idea what to do with my own.”