“Haven, don't ask me to define the boundaries of normal. You know how I was raised. My father once struck strands of his own pubic hair onto a painting and sold it for a million dollars.”

“To be honest," I halfwhispered,"I don't feel as safe with him as Ido with you.""I know."A ghost of a smile touched my lips. "Howdo you know?""Think about what safety is, Ella.""Trust?""Yes, partly. But also an absence of risk."He unstuck a strand of hair from my dampcheek and tucked it back. "Maybe you needto take a risk. Maybe you need to be withsomeone who rattles you a little.”

“You know what it is you smell on him, Haven? Testosterone. It's leaking out of his pores.”

“Do you think I should stay away from him?"I asked in a scratchy voice.Todd took a long time to answer. "My advice is, if you're inclined in that direction, go with your eyes open. It's okay to let someone play you, Haven, as long as you know what's going on.”

“Damn it. I don't know how to be a husband, or father. But since your standards in both areas seem to be relatively low, I may have half a chance at pleasing you.”

“You can ask Jack aboutgetting into Eternal Truth.""You want Jack to go to church?" Hardyasked blankly. "Honey, he'd be struck bylightning as soon as he went in the frontdoor."Haven grinned at him. "Compared to you,Jack is a choirboy.""Since he's your big brother," he told herkindly, "I'll let you keep your illusions.”

“I feel the curve of his smile against my skin. But as he lifts his head and looks into my eyes, his grin fades. "Haven . . . I don't know if I'm going to be a good father. What if I don't do it right?"I am touched by Hardy's concern, his constant desire to be the man he thinks I deserve. Even when we disagree, I have no doubt that I am cherished. And respected. And I know that neither of us takes the other one for granted.I have come to realize you can never be truly happy unless you've known some sorrow. All the terrible things Hardy and I have gone through in our lives have created the spaces inside where happiness can live. Not to mention love. So much love that there doesn't seem to be room for bitterness in either of us."I think the fact that you're worrying about it at all," I say, "means you'll probably be great at it.”