“While he bore no real resemblance to anyone in my family, his features were a collection of my mother's and father's best attributes, with a few of Gregory Peck's thrown in.”

“My father insisted that the boys in my life were directly responsible for my juvenile-delinquent tendencies.My mother, more accurately, assumed that I was the bad influence.”

“I liked finding dirt on people. It made all my trespasses seem trivial.”

“Your father and I haven't had this much quality time since our honeymoon.""So what?""So, what if we can't stand each other?”

“Mrs. Chandler shouted after us, "And I hope that was all-natural food coloring you put on my dog!”

“ISABEL: Sorry I missed my session Monday.DR. RUSH: Would you like to tell me why?ISABEL: I was depressed.DR. RUSH: That's a good reason to come to therapy.”

“I don't have any kids, so I'm not as worried about my heirs as the rest of you, but still: I think the youth of tomorrow might be better off if they knew the physical sensation of cracking a spine and turning the page.”