“Natural law says that matter cannot be created or destroyed, but that was pre-spanx.”
“Do you know what they call people who hoard books? Smart.”
“We can't control what people do or say, even if it's dumb.”
“It's fun to do something dumb. Not something really dumb, like my second marriage. That was really really dumb.”
“A movie theater is Switzerland of the diet world.”
“Great griefs are mute.”