“That’s what happens when you force someone to choose. Maybe they pick option A, maybe they pick option B, but most will go for a third option that isn’t asking them to pick favorites in the first place.”

“If you picked up the Life of Frank movie case at Scarecrow Video, the best review on the back would just say, 'Meh.”

“Most people felt lost after high school. Sometimes I felt like I'd never really been found in the first place.”

“He got in my face and started jabbing a finger into my chest. “Then we don’t want your help, if this is what it looks like. First you bring a human among us, and now this? I don’t like your kind, and I’m not the only one. They can’t be trusted. You can’t be trusted.” He drew the last word out, practically hissing it. That’s our Eric. What a charmer. Ladies, try not to swoon.”

“You have to ask it something it knew when it was alive. People don't become omniscient just because they have keeled over.”

“Ramon looked closely at the little guy as he ate. "Maybe he's Jewish. I mean, if Sammy Davis Jr. could convert to Judaism, why not a chupacabra? We should name him Harry Mendelbaum."I held up my arms in protest. "You're all racist. Now shut up. We'll call him Taco von Precious of Svenenstein. There, everybody happy?""Isn't von the same thing as of?" Frank asked. "Wouldn't that be kind of redundant?""You're redundant," I said.”

“Pity. What a useless emotion when you don't act on it. Pity is supposed to trigger compassion.”