“I'm winning a date with you. Granted, it's the frigging lamest date on earth, but I'm winning it anyway.”

“I'm probably the only person on earth who had to be committed to a mental hospital to find a date.”

“What I'm asserting is that we are looking at bisexuality the wrong way, making the identity entirely dependent on someone other that the bisexual person him- or herself. If I'm dating a man, I'm straight. If I'm dating a woman, I'm a lesbian. But sexuality is not who you sleep with, it's who you are. It doesn't change according to who is standing next to you.”

“I'm Dylan. I'm so cool. I want to date myself, but I don't know how! You want to date me instead? You're so lucky!”

“I'm going to join that dating agency it's going to open me up to new people; widen my horizons''you mean lower your standards and get you dating retards!”

“I'm not interested in dating a girl I'm not gonna marry”