“I was eleven when my father left, so neither of us really knew our fathers. I’d met mine of course, but then I only knew my dad as a child knows a parent, as a sort of crude outline filled in with one or two colors. I’d never seen my father scared or cry. I’d never heard him admit to any wrongdoing. I have no idea what he dreamed of. And once I’d seen a smile pinned to one cheek and darkness to the other when my mum had yelled at him. Now he was gone, and I was left with just an impression—one of male warmth, big arms, and loud laughter.”
Explore This Quote Further
Analysis:
In this passage, the narrator reflects on his relationship with his father after he left when the narrator was just eleven years old. The metaphor of the father being like a "crude outline filled in with one or two colors" suggests that the narrator's understanding of his father is superficial and lacking in depth. The imagery of a smile pinned to one cheek and darkness to the other when the mother yelled at the father further reveals the complexities of their relationship and the emotions the father may have been hiding. The absence of witnessing his father scared, crying, admitting wrongdoing, or sharing dreams highlights the emotional distance between the narrator and his father. Ultimately, the narrator is left with only a vague impression of his father as a figure of "male warmth, big arms, and loud laughter." This passage conveys a sense of loss, longing, and the impact of parental absence on a child's understanding of their father.
Modern Relevance:
The passage from Lloyd Jones's novel highlights the impact of absentee fathers on a child's perception of masculinity and fatherhood. In today's society, the absence of fathers in families is a growing concern with significant implications for mental health and emotional development. These themes resonate with many individuals who have experienced similar situations in their own lives.
Excerpt from Lloyd Jones' Writing
"I was eleven when my father left, so neither of us really knew our fathers. I’d met mine of course, but then I only knew my dad as a child knows a parent, as a sort of crude outline filled in with one or two colors. I’d never seen my father scared or cry. I’d never heard him admit to any wrongdoing. I have no idea what he dreamed of. And once I’d seen a smile pinned to one cheek and darkness to the other when my mum had yelled at him. Now he was gone, and I was left with just an impression—one of male warmth, big arms, and loud laughter.” - Lloyd Jones"
Reflection Questions:
Reflecting on this passage, consider the following questions:
- How does the narrator's lack of a deep understanding of their father impact their relationship with him?
- In what ways do our perceptions of our parents change as we grow older and experience more of life?
- How do our childhood impressions of our parents shape our understanding of who they are as individuals?
- What do you think the narrator's father was like beyond the "crude outline" painted by the narrator?
- How do you think the absence of a father figure during a crucial developmental stage can affect a child's sense of identity and belonging?
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