“CP,' she hissed, more urgently now. 'We're only pretending for goodness sake. Just pretend I'm Jakey G and you're Heath Ledger. Go for it!”

“Those bastards at the casting agency said I couldn't play Edward Cullen. Well, I'm going to show them. I'm making my own movie. And I'm going to star in it.''You're remaking Twilight?''Yes.”

“Pirates?' Lara gasped. 'But we're not at sea. How can they be pirates?' Weren't pirates supposed to wear eye-patches, feather earrings and lots of black eye-liner, and say 'arrrrr' a lot? Or was that just Johnny Depp? Lara was confused.”

“Now, listen Tyler,' Lara said, feeling a little impatient. She rather liked a cuddle after sex, and a bit of kissing. But a guilt trip was absolutely unacceptable, even if they were lying naked on someone else's kitchen table.”

“I hope you'll stay for Blissology?' the man suddenly said, grabbing for her hand.'For what?'Davidoff smiled serenely at her. 'I'm a holistic escort. I have a PHD in Blissology from the Maharishi Kundalini University of Carlsbad. I'm about to hold a session.''Right,' said Lara. 'What do you do exactly?''Well, I interpret our human purpose by looking at quantum physics, an individual's astrological alignments and the I Ching.''And what does that mean exactly in English,' she questioned, feeling herself zoning out.”

“Would you like some sacred chocolate?' a girl asked, appearing suddenly at Lara's side. 'They've very special chocolates,' she said, pushing a plate of the goods in Lara's direction. 'They're raw and sweetened with Stevia.'Stevia, huh? Lara grabbed a chocolate truffle and popped it into her mouth, winking at the girl. She hoped the 'stevia' would kick in soon, because frankly, it looked like these women were having a better time than she'd had in ages.”

“This isn't just any shirt,' he told her. 'This shirt was worn by he-who-must-not-be-named in the first of the Twilight films.'Lara's mouth fell open. She blinked several times. What was he talking about? Voldemort wasn't even in Twilight.”