“Pirates?' Lara gasped. 'But we're not at sea. How can they be pirates?' Weren't pirates supposed to wear eye-patches, feather earrings and lots of black eye-liner, and say 'arrrrr' a lot? Or was that just Johnny Depp? Lara was confused.”

“Would you like some sacred chocolate?' a girl asked, appearing suddenly at Lara's side. 'They've very special chocolates,' she said, pushing a plate of the goods in Lara's direction. 'They're raw and sweetened with Stevia.'Stevia, huh? Lara grabbed a chocolate truffle and popped it into her mouth, winking at the girl. She hoped the 'stevia' would kick in soon, because frankly, it looked like these women were having a better time than she'd had in ages.”

“Don't be frightened,' he murmured into her ear. 'I will protect you.'Lara sighed deeply. A Prince - promising to protect her. Yes please.”

“Where did you get them? Are they Stuart Weitzman? Prada Summer Collection?''Um, New Look, I think,' Lara told him.”

“This isn't just any shirt,' he told her. 'This shirt was worn by he-who-must-not-be-named in the first of the Twilight films.'Lara's mouth fell open. She blinked several times. What was he talking about? Voldemort wasn't even in Twilight.”

“Now, listen Tyler,' Lara said, feeling a little impatient. She rather liked a cuddle after sex, and a bit of kissing. But a guilt trip was absolutely unacceptable, even if they were lying naked on someone else's kitchen table.”

“Don't you want to find your purpose?'Lara glared at her. 'Right now my purpose is to get the hell out of here and then I'll figure the rest of it out the normal way; by drinking vodka. Or maybe I'll read Eat, Pray, Love all the way through...”