“Those bastards at the casting agency said I couldn't play Edward Cullen. Well, I'm going to show them. I'm making my own movie. And I'm going to star in it.''You're remaking Twilight?''Yes.”

“CP,' she hissed, more urgently now. 'We're only pretending for goodness sake. Just pretend I'm Jakey G and you're Heath Ledger. Go for it!”

“Due to budget constraints I've rewritten the script, condensing all four of the Twilight Opuses into one epic screenplay. We'll shoot it over two days. I cut out New Moon,' he added quickly, 'Edward's not in it that much. And I also took out the bits in Italy, as well as all the fight scenes. Those are too expensive to film. And there are no wolves in it either...the CGI would have blown the budget.”

“I hope you'll stay for Blissology?' the man suddenly said, grabbing for her hand.'For what?'Davidoff smiled serenely at her. 'I'm a holistic escort. I have a PHD in Blissology from the Maharishi Kundalini University of Carlsbad. I'm about to hold a session.''Right,' said Lara. 'What do you do exactly?''Well, I interpret our human purpose by looking at quantum physics, an individual's astrological alignments and the I Ching.''And what does that mean exactly in English,' she questioned, feeling herself zoning out.”

“This isn't just any shirt,' he told her. 'This shirt was worn by he-who-must-not-be-named in the first of the Twilight films.'Lara's mouth fell open. She blinked several times. What was he talking about? Voldemort wasn't even in Twilight.”

“He took her around the place, pointing out the hybrids and divulging a few of their clients. Lara could barely believe so many celebrities she knew were actually sick and in need of medical marijuana. She tried to make a mental note of their names but knew she'd forget them later, given that she'd already forgotten her own middle name.”

“Don't be frightened,' he murmured into her ear. 'I will protect you.'Lara sighed deeply. A Prince - promising to protect her. Yes please.”